sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
