I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your penis caused this!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
