You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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