Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
