okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
