Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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