took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
