I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don't make any sense
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