scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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