I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
