It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
