She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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