yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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