mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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