Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
