the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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