Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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