What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
