u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
