9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
