One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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