I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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