drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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