I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
