I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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