I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
