I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
