Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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