We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
