And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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