her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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