look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
