you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
