While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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