We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
