Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
