we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize