I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
