I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
