listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
