i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i now understand why vodka
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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