8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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