Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
