I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
