I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
