where am i from again
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
