Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
