I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
