if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
