like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
