the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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