Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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