Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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