I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
