grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
