we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
