i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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