I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
