It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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