I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize