There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
