you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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