Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
