quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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