you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
