New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this hospital has no fireball
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
