Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
